


The World According To Ren

by IdkifIshipphan



Category: No Fandom
Genre: F/F, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Lesbian Character, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Useless Lesbians
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 01:01:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16734036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IdkifIshipphan/pseuds/IdkifIshipphan
Summary: Ren is a normal teen, she has friends, goes to school and has a somewhat acceptable catholic family. Of course, her family doesn’t know that she’s gay. One day everything changes and a girl turns her world upside down.





	1. 1.

The afternoon was so warm that I could feel my skin melting down. I was sitting in the backyard of my grandma’s house eating a lechuguilla, which is basically freezed flavoured water.  
“Mija, why are you outside?” My grandma asked  
“The room with the air conditioner is full. You know how my little cousins are.” I said complaining and eating my lechuguilla.  
“That’s true” my grandma said laughing.  
She was the sweetest person ever but also a severe grandma that makes you eat more than what you actually want. Just like a good Mexican grandma. My family’s summer vacations were always like this. We visited my grandma at Veracruz, México and then we spent two weeks with my godmother at Oaxaca. After that we returned to San Francisco.  
“I’ll be reading in my room if you need anything.”  
“Thanks” I said smiling because it was impossible not to smile at her.  
She wasn’t pushy like my mom. My mom was always telling me to wear more feminine clothes, to wear earrings, to wear make up, to eat less, to talk more.  
It annoyed me, but I tried to ignore it. I kinda failed at that.  
My dad, on the contrary, encouraged me to be myself and to do the things that felt confortable for me, it made me feel valid in a weird way. And there was also my older sister. She was the literal definition of perfection for my mom. She was intelligent, feminine, pretty, sociable, talented, skinny, and the list could go on and on. And even though I felt a bit jealous of her, I still loved her. Sometimes it bothers me how much I care about my family.

“Renata, I was looking for you! Your tía wants to go to the beach!”  
“Again? We went yesterday. And the day before yesterday.”  
“Well enjoy the sun while you can” she said  
“I am. Here at the backyard.”  
“It’s different” she slightly rolled her eyes “Come on Ren, you’ll have fun”  
“Alright” I said and sighed.  
I got up from my confortable seat and went outside, where my aunt and cousins were putting beach supplies inside the car.  
“So, do I really have to go?” I said  
“Everyone is going” my dad shrugged  
I knew he wasn’t happy to go either, but he didn’t want hurricane Verónica to happen.  
My dad and I called my mom’s rage ‘hurricane Verónica’ because when she gets angry, she gets really really angry.

“All ready, let’s go!” My uncle shouted.  
We got inside the car and five minutes later I could feel the ocean breeze.  
Sometimes I got the feeling that something amazing is going to happen and my life will finally stop being boring. The feeling that anything could happen.  
And when my feet touched the sand and the sun was hitting my face I felt that. And suddenly I realised that I actually liked the beach. Maybe the reason why I didn’t like to go was because the amount of people there. Maybe.  
We found a good spot near the shore and set our things there.  
I sat on the beach for the rest of the afternoon, watching my little cousins play in the sand, hearing funny stories from my aunt and also to the newest family gossip. One thing that I liked about my family was that the gossips were always weirdly entretaining  
Then it came time to say goodbye to Veracruz and hello to Oaxaca.


	2. 2.

I missed the quietness of my godmother’s house at Oaxaca. She didn’t have kids at home and the sun wasn’t as intense as in Veracruz. Her house was huge and it had a big patio where my sister and I used to play with a toy from Brazil called peteca. But those days were gone now and the only thing that she did was text her boyfriend. 

I liked to lye down on the hamaca and read books. Lately I had been into novels more than my usual horror books. The last two novels I read were Call me by your name and Dante and Aristotle discover the secrets of the universe. Those books made me believe that summer was for the gays. Weird thought. The novel I was reading now was Simon vs the Homo sapiens agenda.

“Hey Ren” my sister called me “what are you reading?”  
I looked down at my phone, were I had the e-book downloaded. In secret obviously because it was a gay-themed book and me, being a closeted lesbian, had a weird panic feeling whenever I thought about explaining the book.  
“Em well it’s...about a boy who is gay and” I stopped and looked at her expression. She was waiting for me to continue. “And he writes letters to an anonymous guy and eventually he falls for him but he doesn’t know his identity.” 

We were quiet for some minutes.  
“All right” she smiled for herself and continued texting   
I let go of the breath that I was keeping inside and went back to reading. After a few moments she called me again.  
“Do you know that Mike has kind of a shitty relationship with his brother?” She said  
He was her boyfriend   
“So?” I shrugged  
“I don’t know. I mean, you and me, we have good communication, right?”  
“Right...” I said having a bad gut feeling.   
“You can tell me anything”  
“Elena, where is this going?” I said annoyed   
“Nowhere, just making sure you know” she smiled at me and then went back to text.

I sighed and got up from the hamaca, stretching. I was hungry. I was always hungry and that’s something I liked and really hated about me.   
I walked into the kitchen, where my godmother was making hot chocolate.  
“Hi madrina” I said   
“Renata” she smiled at me “How are you?”   
“Honestly? I feel weird”   
“Weird how?” She asked

Her hazel eyes looked straight into mine and she warmly smiled at me. She was probably the only person in the world in which I could really trust.   
“Well my sister is acting weird. And that makes me feel weird. She wants to know my secrets or something”   
My godmother laughed and turned to stirr the hot chocolate.

“You wouldn’t be feeling weird if you didn’t have any secrets” she said  
“Clever” I said   
“You know you can trust me tesoro”   
“That’s what my sister said.”   
I considered it for a minute. I didn’t know what my godmother thought about being gay. And to be honest, I wasn’t completely sure I was ready to come out. So I just kept it in.  
“Well kid, everything in this life comes to surface at some point.”

I just nodded and watched as she served two cups of chocolate. I received the drink with a smile and we drank it as I listened to my madrina’s stories about her youth. I loved to hear stories from people like her. She makes everything seem interesting, she makes me want to really live.


	3. 3

The next day we went out at night. Oaxaca was one of those magical places at night, it was full of color and life. 

My sister was, as usual, taking pictures of the place, of herself, of my parents, of me and of everything. Her dream was to be a photographer and she used every chance she had to practice with her semi-professional camera, and her pictures were actually amazing, even when she took pictures of me. I looked weird but in the good sense. 

My parents and sister went to buy raspado and me and my godmother stayed at the plaza’s quiosco. I was having a good time, not speaking and looking at people walking by, and I had to admit it, looking at girls too.

I was thinking again in why I hadn’t come out yet. My family would be okay with it, I guess. Although Maybe my dad would be weirded out but he wouldn’t stop talking to me. Maybe I wanted things to stay the same, maybe I didn’t want to change. I don’t know.

“What are you thinking about?” My madrina asked  
“In nothing” I said  
“Okay”   
It was this kind of small conversations that made me realise how good my godmother was reading people’s minds. She knew something was in my mind, but she let me stay quiet.

Just as I was turning my head to look at the kiosk, someone caught my eye. A girl.  
I was kind of far, but I was able to see her amazing smile. Her short hair was messy and curly. 

I wasn’t aware that I was staring until my sister snapped her fingers in front of my eyes.  
“What are you looking at that it’s so mesmerising?”  
I looked around quickly and saw a clown in the middle of the street.  
“That clown is freaking scary”  
“Right” said my sister smiling   
I sighed and continued eating my lemon ice cream.


	4. 4

It was the last night sleeping at my godmother’s house and I was shoving my books, sketchpads and headphones into my handbag. 

My sister laughed at something in her phone and then showed me a meme.  
“That one’s good, Peter actually had showed it to me before.”  
“You talk about him very often, do you like him?”  
“No, I’ve told you before. He’s my best friend” I shrugged.

Peter and I had known each other for three years now, and he was one of my best friends. Not that I had many.  
“So have you ever liked someone before?”  
“No” I said rolling my eyes “why the sudden interest in my romantic life?”   
“Well Ren I don’t know. I just want you to trust me”  
“Okay, I get it”

She stayed quiet for a bit, but I knew she wouldn’t stay like that for long.   
“So...no one?”  
“Nope”  
“Why, are you gay or something?”  
And with those words my heart stopped and my brain froze and I felt nauseated. 

And I said nothing.

For too long.

“Well aren’t you going to answer?”  
My mouth opened and then closed like a fish.  
“Tell me.” She said “tell me, tell me, tell me.”  
I sighed loudly and then took a deep breath.   
“Okay! I’m gay!” I said, almost mad  
“No you’re not” she said  
“How do you know I’m not? Besides you were the one who asked. I’m not joking”  
Then she really got it. And then she said that mom already suspected it. And then she asked questions. A lot of questions. 

I tried to answer as best as I could and tried to not get angry. But I was. I was because she forced me to come out to her when I wasn’t ready. And it all felt so surreal. That night was the beginning of something I wasn’t ready for.


	5. 5

“You what?!”  
Peter asked surprised  
“As you hear. I came out to my sister.”  
I closed my locker “Not that I wanted to.”

It was August, meaning it was time to go back to school. I kinda liked to be back, I missed talking to Pete and Marina. They were my best friends and I could tell them everything. 

“So what happened?” Marina said   
“She basically asked if I was gay and my mind kinda freaked out ‘cause I wasn’t ready yet.”   
“So she outed you?” She asked  
“Not exactly...I mean she kinda forced me to tell her but...I guess”  
We walked together to my classroom and then they left to their own lessons, which where in a different place.

I took my usual seat at the right corner at the back of the class. It was a comfortable place, and because of my height, it wasn’t difficult for me to see the board.  
“Right, right class” Mr. Park said “Welcome back to school, I hope you had a good rest during vacations. Today we will be joined by a new student. Her name is Alexa”

A skinny girl with long black hair came into the classroom. She was wearing black ripped jeans and a simple striped shirt.   
She instantly caught my attention, and I told myself the same stupid frase as usual: “I hope she’s gay.”  
Then I kinda wanted to slap my forehead. Even if she was gay, why would she like me? There where plenty of atractive girls here, better then me. What a great self esteem. 

“You can sit by Renata’s place” He said, pointing at the empty desk by my side.   
She slightly smiled, showing some cute dimples.   
Eventually she arrived to her seat and immediately introduced herself to me.  
“Hey, Renata, right?” She said “I’m Alex”  
She smiled at me   
“Hi, you can call me Ren” I said smiling back.  
“Nice to meet you” she said and then turned her attention to the teacher.  
I was too distracted during the rest of the class to pay attention to first day formalities. I couldn’t get her smile out of my head. 

 

Lunch break came sooner than I expected, I still had Alex in my head. I wondered how many classes I would be sharing with her, I would like to see her around me more often, even if I didn’t dare to hold a conversation with her. I took a tray and went up to the ladies serving the cafeteria’s food, I hesitated before I accepted the sandwich and jello they were giving to me. I was supposed to be eating less.

I was walking towards my friends’ table when someone taped my shoulder.   
I turned around and had a mini heart attack when I saw Alex standing behind me, holding her tray.  
“Hi Ren, I was wondering if I could sit with you...? I mean, I don’t know anyone yet so”  
“Sure” I said almost instantly, internally slapping myself for my enthusiasm “this way”   
I lead her to our usual table, at the corner of the cafeteria by a window. 

“Hey guys, this is Alexa. Alexa this are Peter and Marina.”  
“You can call me Alex” she said sitting down  
They nicely welcomed her, I saw Marina glancing in my direction with a knowing smile. She knew me well enough to now I had a small crush on Alex.

Half an hour later, we were picking up our trays and going to our classrooms. I was about to enter mine when I realised that I had left my phone at the table of the cafeteria.  
I ran back there and quickly looked for it. I saw it was still on the table and grabbed it. As I was walking back to the classroom I saw Alex again.  
“Are you lost?” I asked  
“A bit, yes” she said twisting her black hair between her fingers  
“Which class do you have now?”  
“Philosophy”  
“Oh! Me too” I said smiling, more to myself than to her “we can go there together”  
“Thanks!” She smiled at me again   
And my heart stopped again  
For the millionth time that day.


	6. 6

It’s funny how I keep doing this to myself. I get my hopes high and then...nothing happens. Alexa turned out to be pretty social with everybody and soon enough she had more friends, eventually she forgot about me.

It’s always the same, people find ways to replace me and I hate that I even got to think that maybe she would like me the way I liked her. But things never happened the way I imagined them, I’m boring and replaceable.

Eventually I forced myself to forget about her too, with the exception of the classes that we shared, she stopped existing in my 

“So...Alexa?” Marina asked  
“What about?”  
“Haven’t you heard? She dating Drake.”  
“Wow surprise surprise” I said sarcastically   
“What, are you salty?”  
“Kind of salty kind of jealous and very pissed off with myself. I keep falling for straight girls.”  
“Yeah you should’ve learned by now”  
“Yup I know”  
“Learned what?” Peter joined in  
“To not fall for 

Peter just nodded and laughed a bit.  
Sometimes I thought the he had a small crush on me, I remembered when I told him that I’m gay. At first he was a bit skeptical, saying that maybe I hadn’t met the right guy. Eventually he just accepted it, but when I talked about girls he got   
serious.

There was a time in which I thought he was going to be the guy I would fall in love with and then my gayness would go away. I was pretty wrong. I just couldn’t feel that way about him, and if I couldn’t feel nothing but friendship towards him, then I would probably not fall in love with any other guy. 

I was thinking about this when a girl with curly hair and glasses walked past me and I felt my heart jumping. You see, I liked to call myself a disaster gay. Meaning I kinda liked a girl instantly, and   
I kinda hate that.   
“Calling Ren to earth!” Marina waved her hand in front of my face. “You went to another planet”   
“Oh sorry” I said  
“What happened?”  
“Nothing, I just drifted off”

The school day came to an end and I went home. I told Marina that we could have a sleepover at my house, so she walked with me from school to my house.  
“Hola, ya llegue!” I told my mom   
She liked to hear me speaking Spanish so I didn’t forget my roots. Besides I liked talking in Spanish. There were cool words and better sounding bad words, like chingada y pendeja among others. Also, my mom hated English. 

“Está bien!” She answered   
“I should learn more Spanish before coming to a Mexican house”   
I laughed. It was a common joke among us.   
We went to the kitchen to heat up pizza and then up to my bedroom.   
“So, have you noticed Peter acting weird?”   
It surprised me that she pointed it out.   
“Yeah...I’ve noticed it”  
“Do you know why?”  
“I think you do know.”

I knew Marina well enough to know that when she asked loads of questions, she knew something.”  
“Well I’m going to tell you, but you can’t tell anyone.”   
“Okay tell me, I kinda know what it will be”  
“Peter likes you, did you know?”  
“Well...yes I imagined it”  
“Woah really?”  
“Yes...”  
We stayed quiet for a bit.   
“How did you know?” I said taking a bite of my pizza  
“Well, I was at the school’s library when I heard him talking to a guy about his crush on you.”  
“Woah...well now I feel bad”  
“Why?”  
“Because I can’t like him like that...”  
We stayed silent for a bit.

“I have a question and I hope this isn’t awkward but...have you ever had a crush on me?”  
I almost choke on my pizza and started laughing.  
“What’s funny? It’s an actual question” she said smiling a bit.  
“Well, there was a time in which I thought that I possibly maybe had a crush on you. But then I realised that I hadn’t” I shrugged   
Now we were both laughing. The truth is that I lived for this moments with her, it felt like I had an actual sister that I could trust in.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I'm back to writing, now that I have winter vacations, i hope to upload more :)  
> This is an original story, so I hope you like it :)


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